Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, A Doberman And A Bulldog Are In A Bar Having Adrink When A Great-Looking Female Collie Comes Up To Them And Says, "Whoever Can Say Liver And Cheese In A Sentence Can Have Me. " So The Doberman Says, "I Love Liver And Cheese. " The Collie Replies, "Thats Not Good Enough. " The Bulldog Says, "I Hate Liver And Cheese. " She Says, "Thats Not Creative Enough. " Finally, The Chihuahua Says, "Liver Alone. . . Cheese Mine. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Lone Ranger And Tonto Walked Into A Bar One Day And Sat Down To Drink A Beer. After A Few Minutes, A Big Tall Cowboy Walked In And Said, "Who Owns The Big White Horse Outside? " The Lone Ranger Stood Up, Hitched His Gunbelt, And Said, "I Do. Why? " The Cowboy Looked At The Lone Ranger And Said, "I Just Thought You Would Like To Know That Your Horse Is Just About Dead Outside!!" The Lone Ranger And Tonto Rushed Outside And, Sure Enough, Silver Was About Dead From Heat Exhaustion. The Lone Ranger Got Him Some Water And Made Him Drink It, And Soon Silver Was Starting To Feel A Little Better. The Lone Ranger Turned To Tonto And Said, "Tonto, I Want You To Run Around Silver And See If You Can Create Enough Of A Breeze To Make Him Start To Feel Better. " Tonto Said, "Sure Kemosabe", And Took Off Running Circles Around Silver. Not Able To Do Anything Else But Wait, The Lon E Ranger Returned To The Bar To Finish His Drink. A Few Minutes Later, Another Cowboy Struts Into The Bar And Announces, "Who Owns That Big White Horse Outside? " The Lone Ranger Stands Again And Claims, "I Do. What Is Wrong With Him This Time? " The Cowboy Says To Him, "Nothing Much, I Just Wanted You To Know. . . . . . . . . . . . You Left Your Injun Running!!!"

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Local District Judge Had Given The Defendant A Lecture On The Evils Of Drink. But In View Of The Fact That This Was The First Time The Man Had Been Drunk And Incapable, The Case Was Dismissed On Payment Of Ten Shillings Costs. "Now Dont Let Me Ever See Your Face Again, " Said The Justice Sternly As The Defendant Turned To Go. "Im Afraid I Cant Promise That, Sir, " Said The Released Man. "And Why Not? " "Because Im The Barman At Your Regular Pub!"

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Local Bar Was So Sure That Its Bartender Was The Strongest Man Around That They Offered A Standing $1000 Bet. The Bartender Would Squeeze A Lemon Until All The Juice Ran Into A Glass, And Hand The Lemon To A Patron. Anyone Who Could Squeeze One More Drop Of Juice Out Would Win The Money. Many People Had Tried Over Time (Weight-Lifters, Longshoremen, Etc. ) But Nobody Could Do It. One Day This Scrawny Little Man Came Into The Bar, Wearing Thick Glasses And A Polyester Suit, And Said In A Tiny Squeaky Voice " Id Like To Try The Bet" After The Laughter Had Died Down, The Bartender Said Ok, Grabbed A Lemon, And Squeezed Away. Then He Handed The Wrinkled Remains Of The Rind To The Little Man. But The Crowds Laughter Turned To Total Silence As The Man Clenched His Fist Around The Lemon And Six Drops Fell Into The Glass!! As The Crowd Cheered, The Bartend Er Paid The $1000, And Asked The Little Man "What Do You Do For A Living? Are You A Lumberjack, A Weight-Lifter, Or What? " The Scrawny Little Man Replied "I Work For The Irs. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Husband Was Not Home At His Usual Hour, And The Wife Was Fuming, As The Clock Ticked Later And Later. Finally, About 3:00 Am She Heard A Noise At The Front Door, And As She Stood At The Top Of The Stairs, There Was Her Husband, Drunk As A Skunk, Trying To Navigate The Stairs. "Do You Realize What Time It Is? " She Asked. He Answered, "Dont Get Excited. Im Late Because I Bought Something For The House. " Immediately Her Attitude Changed, And As She Ran Down The Stairs To Meet Him Halfway, She Asked, "What Did You Buy For The House, Dear? " His Answer Was, "A Round Of Drinks!"

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Drunk Was Floundering Down The Alley Carrying A Box With Holes On The Side. He Bumped Into A Friend Who Asked, "What Do You Have In There, Pal? ""A Mongoose. ""What For? ""Well, You Know How Drunk I Can Get. When I Get Drunk I See Snakes, And Im Scared To Death Of Snakes. Thats Why I Got This Mongoose, For Protection. " "But, " The Friend Said, "You Idiot! Those Are Imaginary Snakes. " "Thats Okay, " Said The Drunk, Showing His Friend The Interior Of The Box, "So Is The Mongoose. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

The Bartender Asks The Guy Sitting At The Bar, "Whatll You Have? " The Guy Answers, "A Scotch, Please. " The Bartender Hands Him The Drink, And Says "Thatll Be Five Dollars, " To Which The Guy Replies, "What Are You Talking About? I Dont Owe You Anything For This. "A Lawyer, Sitting Nearby And Overhearing The Conversation, Then Says To The Bartender, "You Know, Hes Got You There. In The Original Offer, Which Constitutes A Binding Contract Upon Acceptance, There Was No Stipulation Of Remuneration. "The Bartender Was Not Impressed, But Says To The Guy, "Okay, You Beat Me For A Drink. But Dont Ever Let Me Catch You In Here Again. "The Next Day, Same Guy Walks Into The Bar. Bartender Says, "What The Heck Are You Doing In Here? I Cant Believe Youve Got The Audacity To Come Back!" The Guy Says, "What Are You Talking About? Ive Never Been In This Place In My L Ife!" The Bartender Replies, "Im Very Sorry, But This Is Uncanny. You Must Have A Double. "To Which The Guy Replies, "Thank You. Make It A Scotch. "