Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

John Was Sitting Outside His Local Pub One Day, Enjoying A Quiet Pint And Generally Feeling Good About Himself, When A Nun Suddenly Appears At His Table And Starts Decrying The Evils Of Drink. "You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself Young Man! Drinking Is A Sin! Alcohol Is The Blood Of The Devil!" Now John Gets Pretty Annoyed About This, And Goes On The Offensive. "How Do You Know This, Sister? " "My Mother Superior Told Me So. ""But Have You Ever Had A Drink Yourself? How Can You Be Sure That What You Are Saying Is Right? " "Dont Be Ridiculous--Of Course I Have Never Taken Alcohol Myself" "Then Let Me Buy You A Drink - If You Still Believe Afterwards That It Is Evil I Will Give Up Drink For Life" "How Could I, A Nun, Sit Outside This Public House Drinking? !" "Ill Get The Barman To Put It In A Teacup For You, Then No One Will Ever Know. "\R \Nthe Nun Reluctantly Agrees, So John Goes Inside To The Bar. "Another Pint For Me, And A Triple Vodka On The Rocks", Then He Lowers His Voice And Says To The Barman "And Could You Put The Vodka In A Teacup? ""Oh No! Its Not That Nun Again Is It? "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

John Smith Lived In Staten Island, New York And Worked In Manhattan. He Had To Take The Ferryboat Home Every Night. One Evening, He Got Down To The Ferry And Found There Was A Wait For The Next Boat, So John Decided To Stop At A Nearby Tavern. Before Long He Was Feeling No Pain. When He Got Back To The Ferry Slip, The Ferryboat Was Just Eight Feet From The Dock. Smith, Afraid Of Missing This One And Being Late For Dinner, Took A Running Leap And Landed Right On The Deck Of The Boat. "How Did You Like That Jump, Buddy? " Said A Proud John To A Deck Hand. "It Was Great, " Said The Sailor. "But Why Didnt You Wait? We Were Just Pulling In!"

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

John & Jessica Were On Their Way Home From The Bar One Night And John Got Pulled Over By The Police. The Officer Told John That He Was Stopped Because His Tail Light Was Burned Out. John Said, "Im Very Sorry Officer, I Didnt Realize It Was Out, Ill Get It Fixed Right Away. "Just Then Jessica Said, "I Knew This Would Happen When I Told You Two Days Ago To Get That Light Fixed. " So The Officer Asked For Johns License And After Looking At It Said, "Sir Your License Has Expired. " And Again John Apologized And Mentioned That He Didnt Realize That It Had Expired And Would Take Care Of It First Thing In The Morning. Jessica Said, "I Told You A Week Ago That The State Sent You A Letter Telling You That Your License Had Expired. " Well By This Time, John Is A Bit Upset With His Wife Contradicting Him In Front Of The Officer, And He Said In A Rather Loud Voice, "Jessica, Will You Shut Up!" The Officer Then Leaned Over Toward Jessica And Asked. "Does Your Husband Always Talk To You Like That? "Jessica Replied, "Only When Hes Drunk. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

It Was Halloween And Three Vampires Went Into A Saloon And Bellied Up To The Bar. "What Will You Have? " The Bartender Asked. "Ill Have A Glass Of Blood, " The First Replied. "Ill Have A Glass Of Blood, Too, Please, " Said The Second. "Ill Have A Glass Of Plasma, " Said The Third. "Ok, Let Me Get This Straight, " The Bartender Said. "Thatll Be Two Bloods And A Blood Light? "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

It Seems A Gentleman Had Too Much Alcohol At A Party, Was Heading Home, And Was Pulled Over By A State Trooper. Upon Being Tested, The Fellow Couldnt Walk A Straight Line Any More Than He Could Drive One, So The Trooper Wrote Out A Ticket And Had Just Given It To The Driver Before An Accident In The Opposite Lane Took His Attention To More Important Matters. The Inebriated Driver, Figuring That The Trooper Wasnt Coming Back To Him, Drove Home And Went To Bed. He Was Awakened In The Morning By A Knock At The Door, Created By Two More State Troopers. "Are You Mr. Johnson? " The Asked? He Admitted That He Was. "Were You Pulled Over At Main Street Last Night For Driving Under The Influence? " Again, The Man Admitted That Was He. "And What Did You Do Then, " The Troopers Asked. " The Man Replied That He Drove His Car Home And Went To Bed. "Where Is Your Car Now? " The T Roopers Enquired. The Man Answered That It Was In The Garage. "May We See The Car? " Asked The Troopers. The Man Answered, "Sure, " And Opened The Garage. Inside The Garage Was The State Troopers Car.

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

I Was Married 3 Times Explained The Man To A Newly Discovered Drinking Partner, "And Ill Never Marry Again. My First 2 Wives Died Of Eating Poison Mushrooms And My 3rd Wife Died Of A Fractured Skull. " "Thats A Shame. " Said His Friend, "How Did It Happen? " "She Wouldnt Eat The Mushrooms!"

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

Every Night, After Dinner, A Man Took Off For The Local Tavern. He Spent The Whole Evening There, And Arrived Home Very Drunk Around Midnight Each Night. He Always Had Trouble Getting His Key Into The Keyhole And Getting The Door Opened. His Wife, Waiting Up For Him, Would Go To The Door And Let Him In. Then She Would Proceed To Yell And Scream At Him, For His Constant Nights Out, And Coming Home In A Drunken State. But, Harry Continued His Nightly Routine. One Day, The Wife Was Talking To A Friend About Her Husbands Behavior, And Was Particularly Distraught By It All. The Friend Listened To Her, And Then Said, "Why Dont You Treat Him A Little Differently, When He Comes Home? Instead Of Berating Him, Why Dont You Give Him Some Loving Words, And Welcome Him Home With A Kiss? He Then Might Change His Ways. " The Wife Thought That Might Be A Good Idea. That Night, Harry Took Off Again, After Dinner. And, About Midnight, He Arrived Home, In His Usual Condition. His Wife Heard Him At The Door, And Quickly Went To It, And Opened The Door, And Let Harry In. This Time, Instead Of Berating Him, As She Had Always Done, She Took His Arm, And Led Him Into The Living Room. She Sat Him Down In An Easy Chair, Put His Feet Up On The Ottoman And Took His Shoes Off. Then She Went Behind Him, And Started To Cuddle Him A Little. After A Little While, She Said To Him, "Its Pretty Late, Dear. I Think We Had Better Go Upstairs To Bed, Now, Dont You Think? "At That, Harry Replied, In His Inebriated State, "I Guess We Might As Well. Ill Be Getting In Trouble With The Stupid Wife When I Get Home Anyway!"