Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

A Rather Attractive Woman Goes Up To The Bar In A Quiet Rural Pub. She Gestures Alluringly To The Bartender Who Comes Over Immediately. When He Arrives, She Seductively Signals That He Should Bring His Face Close To Hers. When He Does So, She Begins To Gently Caress His Beard Which Is Full And Bushy. "Are You The Manager? " She Asked, Softly Stroking His Face With Both Hands. "Actually, No, " He Replied. "Can You Get Him For Me? I Need To Speak To Him, " She Said, Running Her Hands Up Beyond His Beard And Into His Hair. "Im Afraid I Cant, " Breathes The Bartender, Clearly In Trouble. "Is There Anything I Can Do? ""Yes There Is. I Need You To Give Him A Message, " She Continues Huskily, Popping A Couple Of Fingers Into His Mouth And Allowing Him To Suck Them Gently. "Tell Him That There Is No Toilet Paper In The Ladies Room. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

A Pirate Was Talking To A "Land-Lubber" In A Bar. The Land-Lubber Noticed That, Like Any Self-Respecting Pirate, This Guy Had A Peg Leg, A Hook In Place Of One Of His Hands, And A Patch Over One Eye. The Land-Lubber Just Had To Find Out How The Pirate Got In Such Bad Shape. He Asked The Pirate, "How Did You Loose Your Leg? " The Pirate Responded, "I Lost Me Leg In A Battle Off The Coast Of Jamaica!" His New Acquaintance Was Still Curious So He Asked, "What About You Hand. Did You Lose It At The Same Time? " "No, " Answered The Pirate. "I Lost It To The Sharks Off The Florida Keys. " Finally, The Land-Lubber Asked, "I Notice You Also Have An Eye Patch. How Did You Lose Your Eye? " The Pirate Answered, "I Was Sleeping On A Beach When A Seagull Flew Over And Crapped Right In Me Eye. " The Land-Lubber Asked: "How Could A Little Seagull Crap Make You Loose Your Eye? " Th E Pirate Snapped, "It Was The Day After I Got Me Hook. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

A Motorway Walks Into A Pub One Day. He Goes Up To The Bar And Orders Himself A Drink. He Just Sits Down When In Walks A Strip Of Tarmac. The Motorway Sees The Tarmac And Starts To Panic So He Jumps Over The Bar And Ducks Down So It Wont See Him. The Barman Looks Down At Him And Says, "Whats The Matter With You? Why Are You Hiding? Youve Got Six Lanes And Two Hard Shoulders. Why Are You Frightened Of A Piece Of Tarmac? The Motorway Replies, "You Dont Know Him Like I Do. Hes A Cyclepath. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

A Man Who Smelled Like A Distillery Flopped On A Subway Seat Next To A Priest. The Mans Tie Was Stained, His Face Was Plastered With Red Lipstick, And A Half Empty Bottle Of Gin Was Sticking Out Of His Torn Coat Pocket. He Opened His Newspaper And Began Reading. After A Few Minutes, The Disheveled Guy Turned To The Priest And Asked, "Say, Father, What Causes Arthritis? " "Mister, Its Caused By Loose Living, Being With Cheap, Wicked Women, Too Much Alcohol And A Contempt For Your Fellow Man. " "Well Ill Be. " The Drunk Muttered, Returning To His Paper. The Priest, Thinking About What He Had Said, Nudged The Man And Apologized. "Im Very Sorry. I Didnt Mean To Come On So Strong. How Long Did You Have Arthritis? " "I Dont Have It Father. I Was Just Reading Here That The Pope Does. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

A Man Walks Into A Kansas Bar With His Golden Retriever. "Hey, " Says The Bartender, "No Dogs Allowed In The Bar. " "Oh Please?, " Begs The Customer. You See, Youre Playing The Royals Game, And My Dog Is A Really Big Fan Of The Royals. " "Youre Trying To Tell Me That This Here Dog Is A Baseball Fan? ! Both Of You Get Out Of My Bar, " Says The Bartender. "No Animals Allowed, And You Belong In A Mental Institution. Dogs Dont Like Baseball!"Just Then, The Royals Get A Hit. The Dog Goes Wild. He Jumps Up On The Bar And Hops Around In Circles On His Hind Legs. Then He Does The Same On His Front Legs! The Bartender Is Astounded. "That Is The Mostamazing Thing Ive Ever Seen! Who Ever Thought A Dog Could Like Baseball? ! Im Curious Though. . . . If He Gets That Excited When The Royals Get A Hit, What Does He Do When They Get A Home Run? ""I Dont Know, " Confesses The Owner, "I Ve Only Had Him For Five Years. "

Bar Jokes Beer Booze And Fun

A Man Walks Into A Bar, And As He Makes His Way To The Counter, He Stops And Talks To Everyone In The Bar. As He Finishes With Each Group Of People, They All Get Up And Leave And Go Stand Outside The Window, Looking In. Finally, The Bar Is Empty Except For This Guy And The Bartender. The Man Walks Up To The Counter, And Says To The Bartender, "I Bet You $1, 000 That I Can Spray Beer From My Mouth Into A Shot Glass From Thirty Feet Away, And Not Get Any Outside The Glass. "The Bartender Thinks That This Guy Is A Nutcase, But He Wants His $1, 000, So He Agrees. The Bartender Gets Out A Shot Glass, Paces Off Thirty Feet, And The Contest Begins. The Man Sprays Beer All Over The Bar. He Doesnt Even Touch The Shot Glass. When He Finishes, The Bartender Looks At Him And Says, "Well, I Guess You Owe Me $1, 000, Huh? "The Man Answers, "Yeah, But I Bet All Of Those People Outside The \R Nwindow $500 A Piece That I Could Come In Here And Spray Beer All Over The Bar. "