Police Jokes

As A Female Shopper Exited A New York Co

As A Female Shopper Exited A New York Convenience Store, A Man Grabbedher Purse And Ran. The Clerk Called 911 Immediately, And The Woman Wasable To Give Them A Detailed Description Of The Snatcher. Within Minutes, The Police Apprehended The Snatcher. They Put Him In Thecar And Drove Back To The Store. The Thief Was Then Taken Out Of The Carand Told To Stand There For A Positive Id. To Which He Replied, "Yes, Officer, Thats Her. Thats The Lady I Stole The Purse From. "

An Off-Duty Police Officer, Familiar Wit

An Off-Duty Police Officer, Familiar With Radar Guns, Drove Through A School Zone Within The Legal Speed Limitwhen The Flash Of A Camera Went Off, Taking A Picture Ofhis License Plate. The Officer, Thinking The Radar Was In Error, Drove By Again;Even More Slowly. Another Flash. He Did It Again For A Thirdtime, At An Even Slower Speed. Same Result. "This Guy Must Have Screwed Up The Settings, " The Off-Dutyofficer Thought. A Few Weeks Later, When He Received The Violations In The Mail, He Discovered Three Traffic Tickets:Each For Not Wearing A Seat Belt!

An Elderly Woman Had Just Returned To He

An Elderly Woman Had Just Returned To Her Home From An Evening Worship Service And Was Startled To Find An Intruder In Her House. Catching The Man In The Act Of Burglarizing Her Home, She Yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent And Be Baptized, Every One Of You, In The Name Of Jesus Christ So That Your Sins May Be Forgiven. ")As The Burglar Stopped Dead In His Tracks, The Woman Calmly Called The Police And Explained What She Had Done. Shortly, Several Officers Arrived And Took The Man Into Custody. As He Was Placing The Handcuffs On The Burglar, One Of The Officers Asked, "Why Did You Just Stand There? All The Lady Did Was Mention A Scripture Verse. ""Scripture? " Replied The Burglar. "She Said She Had An Axe And Two 38s!"

A Young Man Was Walking Into Town One Da

A Young Man Was Walking Into Town One Day When A Wood Hauler Gave Him A Ride. After Traveling About A Mile Or Two, The Truck Was Stopped By The Highway Patrol For A Weight Check And Inspection. The Truck Inspection Revealed The Truck Had Slick Tires; No Horn; No Head, Tail Or Signal Lights; No Windshield Wipers. Also, It Was Overloaded And Had Bad Brakes. "Mister, " The Patrolman Said To The Driver, "I Think The Best Way To Charge You Is Hauling Wood Without A Truck. "

A Very Wealthy Lawyer Retreated For Seve

A Very Wealthy Lawyer Retreated For Several Weeks Each Year To His Summer Home In The Backwoods Of Maine. Every Summer, He Would Invite One Friend Or Another To Stay With Him There For A Week Or Two. One Summer He Invited A Czechoslovakian Friend To Visit Him. The Friend, Happy To Get Anything Free From A Lawyer, Eagerly Agreed. When The Time Came, They Spent A Wonderful Time, Getting Up Early Every Morning And Enjoying The Great Outdoors. One Morning, As The Lawyer And His Czechoslovakian Friend Were Picking Raspberries And Blueberries For Their Breakfast, They Were Approached By Two Huge Bears--A Male And A Female. The Lawyer Noticed Them In Time To Run For Cover. His Friend, However, Was Not So Lucky. The Male Bear Reached Him And Swallowed Him Whole. Seeing This, The Lawyer Ran Back To His Mercedes And Raced For The Nearest Town To Get The Local Sheriff. The Sheriff Grabbed His Hig H-Powered Rifle And Raced Back To The Berry Area With The Lawyer. All The While, He Was Plagued By Visions Of Lawsuit From His Friends Family. He Just Had To Save His Friend. Luckily, The Bears Were Still There. "Hes In That One!" Cried The Lawyer, Pointing To The Male. The Sheriff Looked At The Bears, Leveled His Gun, Took Careful Aim, And Shot The Female. "What Did You Do That For? !" Exclaimed The Lawyer, "I Said He Was In The Other Bear!""Exactly, " Replied The Sheriff. "Would You Believe A Lawyer Who Told You That The Czech Was In The Male? "

A Truck Driver Was Driving Along On The

A Truck Driver Was Driving Along On The Freeway. A Sign Comes Up That Reads "Low Bridge Ahead. " Before He Knows It The Bridge Is Right Ahead Of Him And He Gets Stuck Under The Bridge. Cars Are Backed Up For Miles. Finally, A Police Car Comes Up. The Cop Gets Out Of His Car And Walks Around To The Truck Driver, Puts His Hands On His Hips And Says, "Got Stuck, Huh? "The Truck Driver Says, "No, I Was Delivering This Bridge And Ran Out Of Gas. "

A Traffic Policeman Recently Stopped A W

A Traffic Policeman Recently Stopped A Woman For Exceeding The Posted Speed Limit. He Asked The Driver Her Name. She Said, "Im Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga From The Republic Of Uzbetikan Visiting My Daughter In Columbia. "As She Finished Speaking The Cop Paused For A Moment And Then Put Away His Summons Book And Pen, And Said, "Well. . . Ok. . . But Dont Let Me Catch You Speeding Again. "

A Squad Car Driver Was Covering A Quiet

A Squad Car Driver Was Covering A Quiet Beat Out In The Sticks When He Was Amazed To Find A Former Lieutenant On The Police Force Covering The Beat. He Stopped The Car And Asked, "Why, Irish Mike, This Wouldnt Be Your New Beat Out Here In The Sticks, Would It? ""That It Is, "Irish Mike Replied Grimly, "Ever Since I Arrested The Judge On His Way To The Masquerade Ball. ""You Mean You Pinched His Honor? " Asked Pat. "How Was I To Know That His Convict Suit Was Only A Costume? " Demanded Mike. "Well, " Mused Pat, "Theres A Lesson In This Somewhere. ""That There Is, " Replied Irish Mike. . . . " Tis Wise Never To Book A Judge By His Cover. "

A Shoplifter Was Caught Red-Handed Tryin

A Shoplifter Was Caught Red-Handed Trying To Steal A Watch From An Exclusive Jewelry Store. "Listen, " Said The Shoplifter, "I Know You Dont Want Any Trouble Either. What Do You Say I Just Buy The Watch And We Forget About This? " The Manager Agreed And Wrote Up The Sales Slip. The Crook Looked At The Slip And Said, "This Is A Little More Than I Intended To Spend. Can You Show Me Something Less Expensive? "